One of my son’s friends was trying to put himself out there more, trying to muster the courage to exchange numbers with a girl. He is a darling kid. He was already attracting girls’ attention, but he wasn’t doing anything with the attention. He was getting down on himself that he couldn’t take the next step. He was also getting caught up in anticipatory relationships. By anticipatory relationship, I mean that he was already in a long term relationship with the girl in his mind and this led to an immense amount of pressure in the moment.
I coached him that he just needed to practice, he didn’t need to succeed (which I knew he would), he just needed to practice. He is an excellent musician, and I likened it to that. I said, “You practice your instrument to play well and confidently, you need to practice asking girls to exchange numbers to do it well and confidently.” I also told him, “The goal isn’t a relationship, the goal is a connection that could lead to a relationship, friendship or otherwise.”
Shortly after our exchange, he asked a girl for her number, and he got it. Give one point to a mom! 🙂